PTOM

United Cube Concert #1

Posted on December 8, 2011 by ptom

People I like slightly more than people at concerts with their cameras out.

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Human Centipede 2 : Full Sequence

Posted on October 31, 2011 by ptom

If an ‘idea’ makes you physically repulsed then this film might be for you, however for the rest of us that need a little bit more than a suggestion of people eating each others poop this is best avoided, it’s even more boring than the original.

The Human Centipede First Sequence, had a lot of hype around it, in my opinion all totally unjustified. The film was very tame when it came to gore and violence, there are films made 20 years ago that offer more gore than this. I’m also puzzled by the instant repulsion everybody has with the actual story of the film, a doctor wants to sew people together arse to mouth to form a ‘centipede’ and as such they eat each others feces. As an idea it’s no more disgusting in my opinion than something like Society which mixes; violence, sex, incest and cannibalism. Albeit Society mixes in a bit of 80s campness and humor which takes us away from the “realness” of it all (and obviously the strange happenings in the actual orgy as well which give a whole new meaning to arse to mouth) but at least it’s entertaining.

The hype of the first film overflowed into the release of the 2nd film The Human Centipede Full Sequence, and this was also fueled by the likes of the BBFC rejecting the film for classification and even going so far as stating that “cutting was not a viable option” and so not even permitting a cut version to hit our shores.
If I’m totally honest, this reaction from the BBFC did get me excited about the film, a film so disgusting that they weren’t even going to release a cut version… even if the film is as boring as the first film this reaction suggests that it should at least satisfy my gross out appetite.

Sadly, and quite disappointedly this wasn’t the case. For me the film fails in a number of areas; firstly it’s filmed in black and white. This sort of thing doesn’t normally worry me, but for a film coming off the back “the sickest movie of all time” and in the teaser boasting that it “REALLY WILL be the sickest film of all time” I’d expect that the sickness not be toned down by shades of gray, I’d expect it to go all out and push the limits.

Secondly, the main character Martin is the only character we’re ever really fully introduced to, the victims, his mother, his doctor and neighbor are never really given enough screen time for you to feel anything for, and at no point is there any connection between yourself and Martin, so ultimately you feel nothing for any of the characters and don’t really care either way what happens to anyone.

Forming a connection with Martin would be a tough one, he’s a fat, mute, bug eyed, retarded, pervert who was abused by his father, hated by his mother, humiliated by his neighbout and a source of sexual perversion for his doctor. There are a couple of occasions where if more effort was put in we could at least attempt to feel something towards Martin, the scene where his mother attempts to kill him could have actually been quite moving, but instead much like the rest of the film it’s quite boring.
There’s also the question of how Martin got his job and how he kept throughout the whole of this whacking people on the head and kidnapping them. Martin works as a car park attendant, but as I mentioned earlier he doesn’t/can’t speak, he wanks in the booth and manages to kidnap 12 people all of which is on CCTV… just one of these things would warrant a firing in my books and I’ve no idea how the police or his co-workers didn’t pick up on this.

The story is flawed, the characters are weak and the gore is pretty much non existant, so why did the BBFC ban this film? The only thing I can take a guess at is just the nature of the film.
The media and courts have always jumped at the excuse of films inspiring killings and a film based around the idea of an emotionally disturbed fan of a film taking this obsession to the next step can be the only reason I can think that this has got banned. Having watched a cut version I can say that there was nothing in it that disturbed me, I’m guessing the BBFC are thinking that a film suggesting that a fan can make a ‘real’ Human Centipede could be a little too much for any fat, bug eyed, sexually abused retards.

Overall this has to be one of the poorest, boring and most disappointing films I’ve watched in a long time.

Although we did get to glimpse a side shot of Georgia Goodrick’s boobs, so it’s not all bad then \o/

Tags [boobs, Horror, The Human Centipede]
Category [Video]
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Top 10 Sexiest Film Characters IMO

Posted on October 25, 2011 by ptom

Couldn’t be bothered to work out the final 2, my wrist was hurting too much… FROM TYPING obviously >_<"

8. Fran – The Man With Two Brains
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can’t.
Fran: Can’t what?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can’t inject you with window cleaner.
Fran: I don’t mind. Hey, what does it do anyway?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: It causes your brain to die last.
Fran: I don’t mind.

7. Camilla – The Guardian
Perhaps it’s her love of wood (get it…) or that she practices the ultimate in birth control techniques of killing babies, either way I would!

6. Angel – Dancing at the Blue Iguana
Daryl Hannah has never looked better than she does in this. Plus she’s dopey, dopey to the extreme, dopey is sexy FACT!

5. Diana – V
She’s a space nazi in a uniform who can dislocate her jaw to fit a whole guniea pig in… what’s not to like?

4. Brenda – Return of the Living Dead Part 2
“I want to eat your BRAINS”… that’s almost what I think when I see a ginger Suzanne Snyder

3. Elvira – Elvira Mistress of the Dark
She likes dodgy B moives, has a great set of boobs and a incredible pair of legs \o/

2. Lisa – Weird Science
I’ve got a PC all I need is a bra to put on my head!

1. Barbarella – Barbarella
No explanation needed.

Tags [Barbarella, Dancing at the Blue Iguana, Elvira MIstress of the Dark, Return of the Living Dead Part 2, The Guardian, The Man With Two Brains, V, Weird Science]
Category [Girls, Video, Waffle]
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Censorship… Rreeaallyy?

Posted on September 1, 2011 by ptom

*opens browser, goes to google, searches* so in the space of 1 minute I’ve got videos of women eating shit and throwing up on each other, real life footage of a man getting his head cut off with a machette, some attractive young american girl servicing a queue of about 8 guys with a wrech up her “hoohah” and a bunch of naked chicks having a hell of a time with some orangutans and chimps…

Awhile ago I was able to sit through a Q and A with the director of A Serbian Film, it’s sad to see that someones work can be cut into something that they don’t want and (in my opinion) hinder the film by confusing the meaning of certain scenes, only for them to still expect people not to download it, but in fact buy the inferior version.
And then there’s A Human Centipede 2, although I’m not a fan of the original (it’s boring and it’s claim to gore and horrific film ever are greatly exaggerated) and the premise of the 2nd film sounds quite poor, I fail to see the reason to ban it. Something like this harms the film industry (if only a small section of it) as the ban will gain an interest in it and with it not being readily available to buy or see in the cinemas people (myself included) will just download copies.

Do we still need to be protected from films like A Serbian Film or The Human Centipede 2, do films of a violent/sexual nature really affect us enough that it corrupts and makes us immoral? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have a certificating system, that makes sense, but why ban things for trying to “deprave and corrupt” when if you’re that way inclined you can get THE REAL THING in a matter of seconds with just the right keyword searches in Google? What’s wrong with embracing an art and enjoying a story? Why not extend the R18 certificate to cover extreme violence as well as hardcore sex?

Right I’m off to watch some monkey porn, who knows you may see me on the news tomorrow as I’m jumping into the monkey enclosure at London Zoo to get my end away \o/

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Bubble Pop!

Posted on July 28, 2011 by ptom

Be it Hello! Project or KPop, it feels like ages since I’ve actually purchased any music lately. The bizarre thing is that this isn’t true in the slighest, over the past couple of months I’ve bought a fair bit; a couple of Nacchi and C-ute concerts and a whole selection of SM Town related CDs (f(x), Super Junior, Shinee, BoA, Trax etc).
I think what’s really made feel this way is the lack of excitement I’ve had from the buying. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’ve not liked what I’ve bought, far from it! The concerts are awesome and the CDs are great, but out of all them the only purchase that’s really got my mouth watering over a physical purchase is f(x)’s Pinocchio album. It’s all shiny and filled to the brim with awesome photo’s of the girls. The other KPop CDs haven’t been any less impressive that usual, it’s just I find it hard to get excited over booklets with guys in vests showing off their muscles <_<

So to help satisfy this imaginary hunger I’ve had to fill this non-existent gap, I decided to catch up on some releases I’ve had my eye on and today the good old postie turned up at my door with a little package (the bigger one with all the posters should be here soon over the next few days hopefully) containing HyunA’s ‘Bubble Pop’ Single, Miss A’s ‘A Class’ Album, After Schools ‘Virgin’ Album and Secret’s ‘Starlight Moonlight’ Single.

Out of all them Bubble Pop really caught my eye… because when I first open it up I thought I’d been given a copy without a CD in :S I’m used to the wonderful world of KPop packaging but this one had me fooled.
From the outside the case for this looks pretty normal, just an over sized cardboard case with some nice shiny red on the front and back. The confusion came from where the CD is actually placed, imagine if you will you have a little box containing a CD in, it comes in two parts the lid/cover and then the inside holder for the CD… well this works in the reverse. The CD can actually be found in the lid of the box whilst the bottom bit holds a small photobook and folds down into a photo of HyunA, all very confusing stuff, well for early morning just got out of bed thinking.

The photobook that comes with it is 38 pages of HyunA looking damn sexy, it features all the outfits found in the MV and well, DAMN! we all know how hott she looked in that!! It’s been a good while since I’ve watched a MV with that kind of sexyness to it, I think it’s almost on a par with the worlds greatest MV, Lee Hyori’s U-Go-Girl. The dance in Bubble Pop certainly one ups U-Go-Girl, it’s just try as she might HyunA isn’t quite as sexy as Hyori… but then who is?

I was going to write a little bit about the additional tracks, but I’ve got Miss A playing now and I’m too lazy to put them on so maybe I’ll add a bit more to this over the next few days… maybe, although knowing me that’ll be highly unlikely! It might just be worth giving the MV another watch instead and just imagining I did.

Tags [HyunA, Kpop]
Category [Girls, Music]
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Call of the Dead

Posted on April 26, 2011 by ptom

What could top off playing Presidents Nixon, John F Kennedy, Defense Secretary Robert Mcnamara or Fidel Castr when fighting a horde of zombies?… PLAYING AS SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR!!!

OK, you got me, playing as Sarah Michelle Gellar I imagine doesn’t come close to playing as the presidents, the thing that really tops it is the Romero tie in. Obviously we have the title “Call of the Dead” but on top of that we have Romero himself as a zombie within the game/map. For a zombie fan that truly is something to get excited about.

For me the Nazi Zombie Survival Levels of the Call of Duty games have been the main reason for me to get into this series, to the extent that I rarely play the other modes. Sure there’s other Zombie games out on my XBox, like Left 4 Dead and Dead Rising being the two that instantly come to mind, but neither of these games truly give across the feeling that I love about Zombies. For one, these other games have too much hope, there’s a goal an objective something other than just pure and simple staying alive. When playing Zombies on Call of Duty, the only reason to play is to survive there is no other objective. This is perhaps a feature that a lot of people I know don’t like about the game, it’s infinite, you can’t win, it’s round upon round of Zombie attacks and you WILL eventually die.
Secondly, and again I’d imagine it’s another reason why people aren’t overly keen on it, the maps are limited. For me the original lever on World at War is still the best. A small two floored building that you cant leave with 4 rooms to defend, it’s simple, it’s hectic and ultimately it’s the basic survival of any Zombie film.

This new map much like the others on the Black Ops game appears to open up the level to a larger scale, as to whether this will take away some of the fun/hectic-ness that I really enjoy I guess I’ll have to wait and see but shit, the trailer does a damn fine good of making it look like it’ll be a hell of a lot of fun to play.

It’s also quite clear to see that the trailer has really been tweaked to appeal to the lovers of Zombie films. You’ve obviously got the title which sucked me in right to begin with, but as well appealing to the lover of the Romero zombie series it also appeals to those that may favor the more comedic but equally awesome (well… the first two films at least) Return of the Living Dead series. I got chills when i heard “*screams* DO YOU WANNA PARTYYYY!? It’s Party Time!”

The trailer is done in pretty much exactly the same way as the trailers for the Grindhouse films Planet Terror and Death Proof, which is a little bit of a shame as well… that’s not the kind of trailer I really associate with a Zombie film. And at least one of the members of the cast fall straight into that type of trailer MACHETTE or Danny Trejo as he’s otherwise known as. The line up is a bit of of mix up for me, obviously no one can really complain about playing any of the cast of this game; Sarah Michelle Gellar, Robert Englund, Michael Rooker, and Danny Trej, each has done their fair share of slaying evil or in some of their cases being that evil. But that’s just an annoying gripe because just like when you play the Presidents level after the inital “OOOhhh, look who I am” factor wears off it bears no relevance to the game or how its played. I just kinda think it would have been nice to have some more relevant players, if they wanted to keep it modern get a bit of Zombie Land action in there or Shaun of the Dead or something… but then I’m guessing licenses etc would be a right ball ache.

I guess as long as Michael Rooker is a racist redneck dick who swears all the time it’ll do me… it’s a shame he’s got two hands though lol.

Roll on May 3rd so I can downloads me some more zombie fun on my XBOX!!…. oh!

*points at PS3 owners* LOLOLOLOLOL PSN FAIL XD

Tags [Call of Duty, The Walking Dead, XBOX 360, Zombies]
Category [Waffle]
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Super

Posted on April 22, 2011 by ptom

So, what do I do when a guy who helped write, produce and direct one of your my most favourite Troma films (Tromeo and Juliet) makes a flim with the droolworthy and completely awesome Ellen Page… worry and hope he doesn’t come up with another Slither or Dawn of the Dead.

Super is an interesting film. It’s not the first of it’s kind, recently we’ve had the popular Kick Ass and before that (and in my opinion the better of the two) Defendor.

Much like Defendor, Super takes a more believable approach to the whole “becoming a real-life super hero”. The whole teenager going at it story of Kick Ass is fun, but ultimately “in real-life” a normal person would probably never do this, in Defendor Woody Harrelson’s character was mentally ill and in Super, Rainn Wilson’s character, Frank D’Arbo a.k.a The Crimson Bolt has spent a lifetime being both emotionally and physically humiliated, but more importantly talks to God and has seen Jesus and demons, yes our “average guy” is in fact a complete fruit cake! As the film progresses we’re never totally sure whether God has chosen Frank for a higher purpose (to fight crime) but the hints are there to suggest that perhaps that isn’t the case, well unless god is a giant tentacle raping monster out of a Urotsukidoji.

And although Ellen Page’s character Libby a.k.a Boltie, appears at first glance to be ‘normal’ she to verges on the side of crazy, possibly even more so than Frank himself. Frank may “talk to God” but at least this gives him a sense of whats right and wrong, even if smashing someones face in with a wrench for pushing in line may be a little extreme, in his mind all wrong doers get equal punishment. Libby on the other hand appears to be verging on psychotic, taking any excuse to inflict as much pain on people as possible, to the extent of almost killing someone who may or may not have scratched her friends car with his keys.

What makes this stand out above Super Hero films is how depressing everything is, if you’ve watched the trailer and you’re expecting perhaps a light-hearted comedy with a touch of romance between the main characters, think again. Sure there’s a sex scene between Frank and Libby, but it edges more towards rape than a heart felt loving moment. And ultimately although Good wins over Evil, Frank still ends up no better than he started, no matter how much he tries to convince himself/the audience at the end of the film.

A quality film, with some good dark humor and a big splashing of gory violence… and of course Ellen Page being seeeeeeeeexxxxyy

“You don’t butt in line! You don’t steal! You don’t molest little children! You don’t deal drugs! The rules haven’t changed!”

Tags [Ellen Page, Super]
Category [Girls, Video, Waffle]
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What Really Pisses Me Off…

Posted on April 10, 2011 by ptom

ZOMBIES DONT RUN!!

also Ving Rhames is a wanker

not even sure why I put this DVD on, it fills me with hate

Tags [Horror, Zombies]
Category [Video, Waffle]
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The Film I Always Go Back To: Day of The Dead

Posted on April 5, 2011 by ptom

So, the film you always go to back to. You know that one film that your collection wouldn’t be without. That film that no matter what your mood you’re able to put it on and know that you won’t be bored, you’ll love every second of it. Perhaps it’s a film you can relate to, that you can yourself in or a situation you’ve experienced? Maybe a film that inspires you? One that makes you fell better about yourself? Or perhaps, one that’s kept you engrossed for a good 20 years, one that’s made you realize that there’s one genre you truly love, one that you’ve grown to appreciate over the years for more than what you may have originally thought of it, one that gets you thinking but also allows you to turn your brain off and relax. Perhaps that film is the same as the film I always go back to…

Personally I don’t like to relate to a film, my life sucks enough as it, so to find some sort of pleasure in watching a film I can relate to does not appeal to me. Film for me is about escapism, being in a place, a situation which I myself could never be in, it’s a break from me for a few hours with some rollercoaster-esque emotional moments if at all possible. And as much as I love a tear jerker or some pant wetting comedy, it’s horror that really pulls my strings and gets me going. And Day of The Dead is THE horror film for me. It might not have as much a social commentary as Night, or the dark humor of Dawn, but this final part to the original Trilogy of The Dead has had me on my seat for 20 years straight.

As a kid I was a big fan of staying up late or getting my parents to record what ever horror films were showing past my bedtime, and Night of The Living Dead was one of those films. Even at such a young age (I was watching this stuff whilst I was still in primary school) I knew that Night was something special, I didn’t know or even recognize the importance of a strong black lead character, nor the class struggle that it told. I just knew that this film was something special and so was born my love of the zombie and more importantly the love of the Romero zombie flick!

Day trumps every other zombie film because for once you actually start feeling for all the characters within the film. The cast is split into groups; the civilians, the scientists, the army and the zombies. Each group you develop feelings for and as psychotic as some of them become, you can understand why. A captain wanting to make sure no more of his men die, the last batch of scientists trying to find a cure for this plague that’s taken over the world, the civilians who want nothing more than to do the job they came to do and stay out of trouble/survive. Everyone’s pulling in different directions, everyone in their own way is right, and it’s this tension, this situation that I can’t find in any other film. The world is literally coming to an end, the last living humans have a chance at something, but can any of them agree on what that is and how it should it be achieved? No, and that’s just human nature.

But, I am missing one vital group out of the above that rarely gets to show it’s head in zombie films. The zombies. Usually the zombies are used little more than a shuffling mass on impending doom, the characters within the story can escape, out run, out wit them at almost every given opportunity but there’s always more around the corner. With Day, we’re however given to see the other side to zombies, sure if “you stick your head in the sun, they’re gonna come up behind you and bite off your ass!”, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have some sort of underlying basic human emotions. And this exploration of treating a zombie more than what they are that really sets this film out. You have feelings for the zombies and towards the end you’ll even find yourself cheering them on, which I have to say is a first (and only) time I can think of this happening within a ‘serious’ zombie film.

This is the film I always come back to, it’s everything I like in a film, it’s thought provoking yet mindless entertainment at the same time, there’s a sense of character and for once in a Romero zombie film (let’s just forget the recent movies lol) there’s a happy-ish ending. Here’s to another 20 years *raises glass and drinks to Day of The Dead*

Kid in The Front Row Blogathon : The Film I Always Go Back To

Tags [Horror, Kid in The Front Row Blogathon, Zombies]
Category [Video, Waffle]
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Rubber

Posted on March 18, 2011 by ptom

“When Robert, an inanimate tire, discovers his destructive telepathic powers, he soon sets his sights on a desert town; in particular, a mysterious woman becomes his obsession.” Could you ask for a better summary to make you want to see a film?

With such an interesting and unique sounding synopsis (well not totally unique, there’s a few films where inanimate objects attacks, but as far as I know never a tire) it’s a shame that this and the trailer are just that little bit mis-leading.
It may just be me, but from watching the trailer and reading the summary (taken from IMDb) but I was expecting a b-movie esque horror film about a psycho tire and a bit of tongue cheek humor, something along the lines of a modern day Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. However the story of Robert to me at least isn’t the full story of this film, infact both the trailer and the synopsis miss out quite a large chunk of the story, that of the audience watching the story unfold first hand from within the film itself and that of the Sheriff and the Films accountant trying to kill the audience so they don’t have to complete the film.

Yes, that’s right, a film about a killer tire gets even weirder! But, I have to say that although this wasn’t the film I was expecting it was an interesting and ultimately a fun and worthwhile watch. Robert (the tire) as a character is done amazingly well, from the moment when he first seems to get consciousness till the end when he takes on Hollywood there’s not a moment where I didn’t believe that he wasn’t real and wasn’t just a tire amongst actors. The progression from learning to roll without falling over, the development of his destructive appetite and the sadness when he watches his fellow tires thrown on the fire is all quite real and engrossing, which I think is quite an accomplishment for something with is just a big rubber tube.

There are however a couple of downsides to the film, the first being the lack of imaginative deaths. Once you’ve seen one head explosion you’ve unfortunately seen them all, a little variety would have been nice he’s a tire after all he could of at least run someone over?
The other thing I wasn’t overly keen on was the introduction, which is going to sound odd. Why? Because I absolutely loved it as well. The introduction from the Sheriff tells us how all films feature an element of “No Reason” and that this film is a homage to this style. I really enjoyed this as it’s nice for a film to recognize these elements that as an audience we’ve all grown to accept without question, but it does however raise into question who this film was really aimed at, by putting this introduction in I feel that it’s trying to be more acceptable to people who might not otherwise sit through the whole film.

One final note about the film, is that the music is awesome in it! It’s not all listen to your iPod awesome, but suits the mood of the film very well. It was done by Quentin Dupieux AKA Mr Oizo who also directed it. Which just leaves me to link to his awesome 90s hit Flat Beat!!!

Tags [Horror, Rubber]
Category [Video]
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